Bisexuals want it both ways. They want to have their cake and eat it. They're greedy. They could make their minds up which they preferred, but choose not too. Selfish buggers, they put their own happiness before the advancement of the gay community. They just want the best of both worlds.

We've heard it all before. The indignant refrain of the biphobe. Selfish bisexuals. But, they have a point.

"What?" I hear you ask. "Maybe it's a typo. Or was slipped in by a saboteur at the printers ?". Nope, just hear me out.

Bisexuals are in a variety of situations, so this doesn't apply to all. But when people say that I want the best of both worlds, they're right. 100%. I want the best of all worlds. I could've chosen a gay or straight lifestyle and identity, but chose not to. Not alone do I want to have my cake and eat it, I don't understand the point of having it and NOT eating it. That's what it's there for. It's for me.

So am I acting selfishly in being a polyamorous bisexual ? Absolutely. I'm not doing it for you, for politics, for the bi or queer communities or for the people I sleep with. It's for me, and no-one else.

Odd, isn't it ? I sit down to try and analyse why I do the things I do, and ultimately it's about pursuing my own happiness. Simple as that. It's not about being open-minded, it's not about opposing false dichotomies, challenging gender norms, or constructing utopia. I just fancy men and women, and since making that clear to people in my life, I've been happier, and felt more secure in my pursuit of those wonderful creatures.

So does this make me greedy ? Well, in a sense it does. It means that my primary motivation is, at some level, my own happiness. Some think this is unlikely, given my politics (more than a little left-wing), but it's not really, it just depends what you mean by selfish. Certainly, other people's needs are important to me, and I act to satisfy them if I can. I believe we should all minimise the sum of suffering on this planet as much as is possible

But you can't love others unless you love yourself. In refusing limits on my happiness that others would impose, I am taking power for myself, for my own good. And we all have to do that at some level.

Does this mean that community isn't important ? Of course not. We need communities to offer mutual support, and feel the sense of affirmation that we get from belonging to such a group, filled with our sexual kin. It is our family. But we should never forget that the family is made up of members, and they have chosen to be there because it makes them feel good.

Good for them. Good for us. Good for me.

by Darragh Doherty

Previously published in GCN