I started to question my sexuality when I was about 18. I had always assumed myself to be totally into men since I became sexually active. But then I realised that I had sexual feelings towards some of my women friend which scared and confused me. Then I attended a conference on sexuality in Derry where I developed a serious crush on a women which never developed any further apart from stroking each others hands for about an hour because I was too petrified to do anything else! At the same time I knew that I still had a sexual attraction towards men, so it was a time of confusion for me.

Then I met the man who became my best friend and also my husband. About a year before we got married we had a conversation about sexuality and sexual feelings and through this I came out to him as being bisexual. He was the first person I talked to about my feelings and it was a relief to be able to say to somebody that yes, I am attracted to men and also to women, that it is not the sex of the person that matters but the person and the attraction itself.

I know it might seem a little strange to “come out” and then to get married. But for me, I got married as a celebration of love and friendship, not as a vow to remain monogamous for the rest of my life. After a lot of soul searching I’ve come to the conclusion that a totally monogamous relationship is not for me. I’m lucky to be in a relationship where both partners agree on this viewpoint.

10 years after I realised that I was bisexual I’m still not out as bisexual to most people I know. People such as my family, the mothers in my daughters school, the women I work with. I supposed I’m afraid of being judged and having to do to much explaining about myself. I seem to have a problem with telling women about my sexuality. I’ve never had a problem with ‘being out’ to those of my friends that are gay, most of whom are men. On the other hand it took me over a year to come out to a lesbian friend. I think in general bisexuality is more accepted in the gay community. I wouldn’t say it’s totally accepted though because I know that when I first started to go to gay pubs and clubs, my sexuality was seriously challenged and questioned. Through this I became confused and stated to doubt my sexuality. I thought that I had to be gay or straight.

Then a while later, I read a notice in GCN about Bicon (A Bisexual conference held in different parts of the UK annually). So, in 1993, off my husband and I headed to Nottingham for Bicon. I was 3 and a half months pregnant and more confused than ever. I came back from this conference with the realisation that bisexuality is a totally valid form of sexuality and that was the start of me fully accepting that that’s what I am.

Being a mother combined with being bisexual and married raises a whole range of other issues but that merits a whole article on its own.